10  Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.

This poetic psalm gave a list of qualities for a man as he went out searching for the "perfect" wife.  It was also a check list for a biblical woman as to how a man would want a wife to behave.  While the list is extensive and beyond reach for any woman to attain, it was a guideline for any Israelite woman. 

Remembering from past teachings, women's role in society was that they were always the property of a man, whether it was her father or her husband. 

• A girl spent her whole life preparing to become a wife, and her lot in life was for her to be the best kind of wife for her husband. 
• Biblically speaking, she was not required to love her husband, but, according to the Mosaic Law, she was required to respect and honor him.
• Biblically speaking, the man, however, was required to love his wife as he loved himself.  While that did not always happen, those were the rules under the Mosaic Law
• It was the man who searched for a wife, and the woman had to trust her father to pick out a good husband for her.    
• When it was agreed upon between the man and the girl/woman's father and sealed with a cup of wine, the girl/woman and the man were betrothed.  On the marriage night, the father handed over his daughter to become the responsibility of her new husband.
• Their wedding vows were consummated in the marriage tent, followed by a wedding feast which could last up to seven days.

Because a virtuous wife was as rare as a precious ruby gem to find, it would have been hard to find a woman who would have excelled in every area of this kind of check list.  As such, this list is not meant to compare or condemn, but to demonstrate the character of a godly a woman in biblical times.  She was a woman who walked in the fear of the Lord, having strong morals and values.  While behind every successful husband is a woman who supports him at all times, the same is true for a successful wife.  She needs a husband who loves her unconditionally, giving her the freedom and support to become the best woman and wife a husband could have as well.  There was a mutual trust for one another as they work side by side.

• This passage can also be be a guideline for the Christian woman of today to show the strength and character of a virtuous wife.  While these guidelines demonstrate a woman who excels in every area of life, which is unrealistic, we need to understand that these are guidelines to teach us about God's wisdom, integrity and graciousness as a godly woman, how to treat her husband, how to run a household, diligence, trust, respect, creativity, leadership skills, work ethics, business practices, as well as to how to treat the poor.
• As a mother as well, this virtuous wife would also know how to nurture and raise her children as well.
• She is a woman above all women, which gives us an idea on the full potential of what a virtuous wife could be.

11  The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.  12  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

The biblical virtuous wife has earned the trust and respect of her husband through time and experience as a wife filled with integrity, faith and ingenuity.  She has made his house into a home where peace and the fear of God reside.   

• She gives respect to her husband at all times and continuously does her husband good as to show him as an honorable and highly respectable man in the community.    

13  She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.  14  She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar. 15  She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants.  16  She considers a field and buys it;
from her profits she plants a vineyard.

Because her husband is highly respected within the community, his wife is also seen as an honorable and industrious woman.  They worked together as a team to lift each other up, and their efforts are seen by everyone in the community.

King Lemuel's mother now gives a description of this virtuous woman.

• She looks for wool and flax to make into yarn in which she will spin into cloth to provide the necessary fabric for her home.  She will decorate with color and make her home to look beautiful.  In other words, she is a good interior desiger. 
• She is willing to work with her hands.  In other words, the virtuous wife has made her call in life to please her husband where she willingly works with her hands.  While some may call it manual labor, more to the point, she is not afraid to get her hands dirty when necessary.  Nothing is beneath her when the job needs to get done.
• She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.  The virtuous wife is not afraid to travel as needed to make sure her household has the needed food.  Even if she has to rise before the sun comes up, she will prepare the food so that it will be ready for her family.
• And a portion for her maidservants:  It was common for many families in biblical times to have servants or hired workers.  As such, the virtuous wife wisely manages and cares for all of her household, including any servants she may have.  This obvious means her husband was well respected in the community for her to live with that kind of privileged life.  She would care for her servants needs as well, even beyond that of her immediate family.
• She considers a field and buys it:  The virtuous wife is also a business woman who not only knows how to be a wife and mother, running a household, she is also a business woman.  She invests and uses her money to better her family by investing in planting a vineyard, which takes a lot of work to do.

17  She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms.  18  She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.  19  She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.  20  She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

In addition, the virtuous wife must be strong and wise.  She keeps her lamps lit all night, meaning she is always prepared and must keep oil for her lamps at all times.  She may even be a woman who is awake half of the night working to complete her jobs that need to get done because she stretches her hands to the distaff, meaning she spends hours at spindling her wool and flax into yarn, placing them on a stick to then make into tapestry for her home.

• A virtuous wife is also a woman of great compassion, caring for and helping both the poor and the needy.

 21  She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.  22  She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

• She may be known for her tapestry, for she provides clothing from her wool and flax, as well as fine linen and purple for her family in all seasons, and may even sell some of her crafts in the marketplace as well. 

I don't know about you, but this amazing list goes beyond that of the capabilities of any woman today as well as in biblical times.   

• Being realistic here, I think the Lord wants us to take care of our husband and family in a way that meets their needs and uses the gifts and talents He has given us. 
• None of us are super women, but we are to take these skills of a virtuous woman and simply do the best that we can. 

In the same way as we have worked our way through the Book of Proverbs, we have been told that we are to be righteousness, not being filled with wickedness and evil.  We have learned that anything that is contrary to the will of God, God considers wicked and evil. 

• The reality is that none of us can live up to God's standard of righteousness all the time.  We simply seek to do our best with the help of the indwelling Holy Spirit.  When we have sinned, we then earnestly repent, confess our sin, accept God's forgiveness and go on with the help of the Holy Spirit to not repeat that sin, seeking to grow in our faith as we continue on in life.

We have been instructed on how to be diligent and not be lazy or be a fool.  The truth is that we are all lazy and foolish from time to time.  Again, we continuously seek God to become more Christlike, and when He exposes that sin to us, we earnestly repent, confessing it as sin, and then purpose to become more like Christ as you trust Him even more in in your life. 

In all of this, we know that God loves us, He so wants the best for us, and the standard He gives us is high, beyond our reach, but He also knows that we live in a sinful world, but as believers in Jesus Christ, our hearts are to give God our best, and where we falter, earnestly repent, ask Him for forgiveness, and then ask Him to help us become more Christlike.  This is what Christian growth is all about.

• God gives us His standard, and we attempt to live by it, but when we falter, we repent, humbly confess it as sin, and then grow from it.
• When we get to glory, we will then know what complete righteousness is like because we will no longer be plagued by the sin in this world.
• So let's take everything we have learned in Proverbs and use it as a standard to purpose to grow in our faith so the Lord can do His work of change in us - no matter where we are at in our growth with the Lord.

23  Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.  

Behind every successful man is a successful woman.  But then, behind every virtuous wife is also a man who loves her and allows her to become everything that God intended her to be. 

The virtuous wife builds her husband up, giving him respect to everyone in the community.  She always lifts him up and she never does things to make him ashamed.  She has purposed to make a significant contribution to her husband's success in the community.  As such, he is well respected by those all around them.

• Because both the husband and wife are righteous people, walking in the wisdom of God, her husband is known at the gate of the city - which is where all men congregate to talk and do business.

24  She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.  25  Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.

The virtuous wife is a woman who purposes to meet the needs of her family, as well as makes herself known in her community by her business dealings.  The time she has spent in creating and making her tapestry, she sells them as a merchant among the people.  

The virtuous wife and woman is a strong woman in body, soul, and spirit.  Her character is displayed by all those who come in contact with her. As such, she is honored among everyone because she cares for others, as well as takes great care for her, her husband, and her family. She fears the Lord, as well as walks in the blessings of God, receiving all the benefits that are listed throughout the Book of Proverbs.  She has purposed to be that woman that pleases God in all of her affairs.  She has learned to trust that God is her God and takes care of her. 

Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

The virtuous wife and woman speaks with the wisdom of God.  As such, she speaks forth kindness with every word that comes out of her mouth.  In other words, she teaches her children the ways of God, building them up, as well as builds up everyone around her.  She does not gossip nor slander, edifyig everyone aroud her.  

Proverbs 31:27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

She is never lazy and looks out for the best in her whole household.  She has never known to be idle.

Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

The proof is in the pudding with her husband and children rising up and calingl her blessed.  They are so proud of her for her unselfish love and caring for them.  For she has demonstrated her wonderful qualities on a consistent and regular basis, and her husband and childen feels blessed to call her his wife and/or their mother and they want everyone to know. 

I think this is an eulogy that every wife and mother would like to hear from her family.  I know I would. 

Proverbs 31:29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but you have excelled them all.

Again, this reinforces that this kind of virtuous woman is rare, and probably is one only on our wish list.  Again, we all fall short in some of these areas, but excel in others.  We do the best, with the help of the Lord, and totally trust Him that we will get better and better as time moves forward. 

Proverbs 31:30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain:  but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

Most men want an attractive wife and wives should attempt to make themselves look the best that they can.  But to have a wife who fears the Lord and follows after His ways is far better that anything a man could ask for. 

• We are in a day when makeup is available everywhere.  So I say, if the barn needs painting, paint it.
• So today, a man can have both.  Here, we see that to have a wife who is attractive is nice, but still, the very best a man could ask for is a wife who fears God and keeps His commandments.
• For us woman, we can do both.  Fix yourself up to be attractive, but make sure that you have a fear of the Lord, you are walking in the ways of the Lord, purposing to grow in your faith, and then your husband can have both. 

Proverbs 31:31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

A woman's work speaks for itself.  She has earned her praise.  But most of all, if the Lord is pleased, that is what is the the most important. 

• When all is said and done - at the end of our life, what is the legacy we can pass on down to our family.
  • Fear the Lord, love and trust Him with all your heart.
  • Work hard at what God has called you to do.
  • Love one another, edify others
• What more could a wife and mother want to leave for her family.
• To hear my husband and children say that of me would be the best reward I could every have and the best legacy I could every pass on down to my family.

Closing Remarks

To bring the Book of Proverbs to a close, I would like to give my closing remarks.  

I've studied other books of the Bible like this all of my adult life, because I have been teaching Bible now for over 47 years, but never have I received such the amount of revelations like I have within the Book of Proverbs.  While I have studied Proverbs all of my life and I thought I knew this book well, God showed me again and again that no matter how deep we go in God's Word and in our faith, we can always go deeper.  You see, there is no depth deep enough in God.  

•  Just as the Book of Hebrews tells us:  The Word of God is alive - it goes to the depths of our being dividing soul and spirit, joint and marrow, and is a discerner between the thoughts and intents of the heart.  The Word of God hits the very soul of our being to do the work of change in us.
• I know my life has been changed, and my hearts prayer is that it has done the same for you as well. 

Again, I want to thank everyone of you for joining me in the Book of Proverbs.  Take what God has shown you and let it blossom in you, so that you can become more intimate, more trusting, and more in love with Jesus.

Check out my other commentaries on several New Testament books of the Bible.

Pastor Joyce Erickson
Believersbibleschool.com