The Forgiveness Train

Are you struggling to forgive someone? Maybe the wound runs so deep that forgiveness feels impossible. The deeper the hurt, the more it spreads—anger, hatbitterness, jealousy, even thoughts of revenge. These emotions begin to take over, and you become the one trapped behind the bars of pain, even if the person who hurt you doesn’t know or even care.

If you want to experience the abundant life Jesus promised, unforgiveness must go. It eats away at your emotions and your body. Freedom begins with a choice—your choice -- a deliberate decision to forgive, even when your emotions resist it.

The Act of Forgiveness

The act of forgiveness is a process, and it begins with a choice—a deliberate decision to forgive, no matter how many painful emotions are swirling inside you. Until you choose to forgive, forgiveness cannot take root, and you remain stuck in the cycle of those negative emotions.

Forgiveness is like a train. The engine is your choice to forgive. It must begin there. Choice is not a feeling - it is a deliberate choosing you make regardless of your feelings. Behind the engine of choice are all the cars—the negative emotions connected to the offense. And then at the end is the caboose, the feeling of forgiveness and peace. The severity of the offense determines how many cars you must pass through, but once the engine moves, the rest will follow.

As you travel through each emotional “car,” keep praying: “Lord, I choose to forgive _________.” Be deliberate, even though you don't feel like it, and just be patient with yourself. Sometimes it feels like there are endless cars between the engine and the caboose, but the more you choose to forgive, the faster you move through each emotion. Don’t stop. Go all the way.

Don’t wait for an apology because it may never come. Remember that you are forgiving for your own mental health and spiritual growth. It has nothing to do with the person or persons who hurt you.

While there is a God‑given part of you that longs to confront wrong behavior, and speaking the truth can release some of the pain you’ve been carrying. If you choose to confront, it must be done in a gentle and honest way. But don’t expect them to respond in a way that satisfies you. Expecting that only leads to disappointment. So consider wisely if you want to confront the other person. Remember: your freedom is the goal. Let the Lord deal with them. 

Above All, Guard Your Heart

As you continue the “act” of forgiveness, compassion often begins to rise - in the same way as when Jesus prayed on the cross for those who crucified Him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Compassion (or pity) for the one who hurt you is a sign that you are nearing the caboose. It doesn't mean you accept their behavior, but you end up having pity on them, for they do not understand what they have done.

When you reach the end of the forgiveness train, the bitterness will be gone. The feelings of forgiveness will become real. The pain will no longer define your present or your future and you will be free.